MATCHMAKERS
A shadkhn comes to a prospective groom, and announces “ Have I got a match for you! She's as beautiful as a work of art!” The young man agrees to meet the prospect. When the shadkhn returns a few days later, the young man is furious: “A work of art? Some work of art! One eye half closed, the other too large. One ear a good inch below the other, and the nose off center by at least a half inch!” “So what's the matter,” asks the shadkhn, “Picasso you don't like?”
EUROPEAN JEWISH HUMOR
Two Jewish revolutionaries are up in front of a Russian firing squad. The captain offers the first Jew a blindfold, which he gratefully accepts. The captain offers the same to the second Jew, who spits in his face, and shouts out, “Down with the Czar!” His comrade turns to him and says, “Please, we're in enough trouble already.”
AMERICAN JEWISH HUMOR
Just as Jews in the Old Country were proud of their respective towns, so are American Jews partisans of the cities in which they live. New York Jews carry it to extremes. Mrs. Goldberg and Mrs. Fein take their first trip to the West Coast. They get off the plane in Los Angeles in the middle of a heat wave. “Boy, is it hot here!” says Mrs. Goldberg. “What do you expect?” says Mrs. Fein. “We’re 3,000 miles from the ocean.”
LANGUAGE CONTACT JOKES: YIDDISH AND ENGLISH
The immigrants eventually mastered their new language…not, however, without some amusing results.
“My wife’s having an affair.”
“Oh? Who’s the caterer?”
“You’ve been sleeping with my wife!”
“I swear, not a wink!”
“A fly was sitting on my nose half the night.”
“Why didn’t you just brush it off?”
“I didn’t realize it was dusty.”
ZIONISM AND ISRAEL
Two American Jews decide to sample Tel Aviv nightlife. They go to a café, where an Israeli comic is entertaining an appreciative crowd in Hebrew, which neither of the Americans can speak. One of the Americans laughs uproariously with the audience.
“What are you laughing at?” asks his colleague. “You don’t understand Hebrew.”
“So what?” is the reply. “I trust these people!”
CHUTZPAH
Berl and Shmerl decide to share in the construction of a common succah. Berl will build it, and Shmerl will pay for the materials. When the construction is finished, Shmerl refuses to pay. Berl takes him before the rabbi. The rabbi listens to the story, and rules that, indeed Shmerl doesn't have to pay.
“By what reasoning?”asks the anguished Berl.
“The Talmud,” says the rabbi, “tells us to consider the succah as if it were our house. And, as is well known, Shmerl never pays his rent.”